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Headlines: Getting Up to Speed

Friday, July 21 ** Final Edition

Reporting this morning from just off New Jersey Turnpike Exit 4... you gotta problem with that???!
   Yesterday: O.J. SIMPSON paroled on national TV. See Gut Check.
   Politics as usual: Republicans rush to defend Attorney General JEFF SESSIONS.
   Power politics: Special counsel ROBERT MUELLER reportedly looking into PRESIDENT TRUMP's business transactions.
   Business: Sears announced plans yesterday to sell its Kenmore appliances on
   Cool: STEVIE WONDER got married... again. See Music.
   People: Sorry, folks --TYGA and KYLIE JENNER are not on the road to reconciliation.
   Peeps: Is R. KELLY running a cult or a country club?
   Shocking: USHER slapped with a big, fat lawsuit by a woman that claims she gave him herpes.
   Broadway: The London revival of STEPHEN SONDHEIM's musical, "Company" is changing the lead character's gender.
   Fashion: McDonald's now has its own clothing line!
   Crime: Florida man shoots up AT&T trucks because they're blocking his view.
   Television: LENA DUNHAM will star in the upcoming Season Seven of "American Horror Story."
   Hollywood: Looks like the new CHRISTOPHER NOLAN movie, "Dunkirk," will lead the weekend box office.
   Shocker: LINKIN PARK frontman CHESTER BENNINTON is dead at 41. See Music.
   Old School: Two new books on LOU REED are due out in the fall.
   Boonies: Traffic in England was snarled by flaming bars of chocolate yesterday.
   Extreme: SALVADOR DALI's body was exhumed last night for a DNA test. See Gut Check.
   Weirdness: The most stolen item in a grocery store globally is cheese. See Boonies.
   Strange: Meat is literally falling from the sky in Florida.
   Silly: A cat-themed coffee shop in New York has added live rats to its decor.
   Rocket Science: A bag containing traces of moon dust sold at auction Thursday for $1.8 million.
   Health: Deaths linked to AIDS have been cut almost in half over the last 10 years,
   Survey Sez: a third of all cases of dementia worldwide could be prevented.
   --Plus-- more of the trash you've come to expect!